Sunday, August 12, 2007

(So Hating) Thesis

I know that I said I wouldn't rant on this blog. But I can't help it. I'm starting to hate making this stupid thesis. I hate being told what to do, being manipulated to make my thesis more "socio-cultural", to make it have more "substance".

It was such a slap in the face to be told that "Kung ganun lang, walang substance yung work mo" (If that's just it, then your thesis lacks substance.) MEANING: It's shallow. It's stupid. It's not worth to be bragged about. Yeah right, whatever.

Hello, I am not "KP". Sure, she did one hell of job for her thesis, but I AM NOT HER, We ALL are NOT HER, so why even compare? Are we in gradeschool, all fighting to be recongized by the teacher to receive gold stars. HELLO. We're in a damn freakin UNIVERSITY.

It sucks trying to come up with ideas, and having all of them shot down because it lacks THAT "socio-cultural" aspect. DON'T YOU GET IT THAT I DON'T WANT IT TO BE SOCIO-CULTURAL? I'm not out to save the world! I just want to make something that I want, that I will have fun working on, that I THOUGHT OF.

Advisers are there to advise. Not to manipulate their student's works and direct it towards the way they imagine it to be. What's the use of doing pre-liminary research, soul-searching and racking your brains out for a topic you'll like, when in the end all suggestions direct you to deviate from your plans and more towards fulfilling your Adviser's personal goal of producing the "Best Thesis" for the batch???

No, I don't think it's "Falling in love with your topic". It's more of your adviser not understanding where you want to bring your topic, what your goals are, how you would want your results to be.

It's you realizing that whatever you say, you will never see eye-to-eye. She will never understand what everything you say because it's clear in her mind that all her students should research like "KP", work hard like "KP", produce a socio-cultural laden output like "KP".

I'm not mad at "KP". But I HATE the position my classmates and I have been put in because our adviser has decided to put her on a pedestal.

I get more and more confused each day. I'm not sure how I want this damn thesis work to progress because I'm letting her brainwash me into doing the "socio-cultural" things she wants me to do.

I am so close to just burying myslef under the blanket and just let time fly by.

Damn thesis. You are so not working with me right now.