Monday, July 28, 2008

I need to breathe

I'm scared.

For roughly 8 years, I was the student overstaying in college. I did have a slew of jobs on the side, but for the most part, school was what I knew. It defined who I was. It was the security blanket that I equally loved and hated. Now that I no longer have that designation, I feel like a baby being thrown into the deep, cold water. I'm dead scared. And I'm grasping for air.

My resume remains to be an unedited file on the computer hard drive. I've been trying to come up with brilliant ideas for a creative portfolio that will help me land a job. Not just any job, but the job that I've always imagined getting. Holding on to ideas swimming around in my head have been my greatest challenge as of date.

Sometimes, I wish I were back in Australia. All snuggled up in the couch, still in my pajamas, eating a bowl of yoghurt while watching the morning news. At least, over there, I was just a kid fresh out of college on vacation.

Here, I'm just an unemployed 25 year-old, spending her days trying to get a clue.

I used to imagine that I'd be in the office, all riled up to work and ready to spurt out all these kick-ass ideas, a week after graduation. That never happened.

Instead, I am drowning in a sea of self-doubt. I am scared of rejection. I am scared that my ideas will be shot down. I am scared that I won't fit in. I am scared that I can't compete with kids younger than me. I'm scared that my 8 years of being in school still isn't enough to help me get to where I want to be.

Deep in my heart I know I have what it takes. I've always felt that I was meant for something big. But until I get the courage to piece my thoughts together, I'm still a frail, frightened baby grasping for air, trying to feel my legs, crazily flailing my arms, hoping and struggling for the instict to kick in so I can break the waters' surface and finally be able to breathe.

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Hanlamig, Hebigat

On the day that I left, the temperature was 7 degrees. The lamig down there is one thing I won't deeply miss. Plus, I don't think I really looked great in any of my winter get ups! Hahaha I had no urge to be fasyon like the Melbourne girls. I just wanted to be warm warm warm!

It was no surprise that my luggage was overweight!

I've been praying for days that somehow things will turn out ok. The PAL website said they'd charhe AUD$31 per additional kilo. Waaah! I didn't have enough cash to pay for excess baggage!

But I was lucky coz the gay guy at the check in counter didn't charge me at all! Woohoo! At that moment, I thought I could have stuffed more things in, but then I'd be pushing my luck. Hahaha

My luggage was 27 kilos (the limit is 20kilos). Plus I had 2 handcarries (limit is 1piece) and they were about 8 kilos each! Yes I am crazy. Hahahaha The shopping bag (in the photo) contained about 8 magazines, notebooks, TimTams, and jackets. Inside my brown bag were more notebooks, more TimTams, my travel documents, Ipod, cameras, phones, things for 'flight comfort', a dress, 3 tops, and pants.

I lugged those bags around 2 airports! We had a stop over in Sydney, and I contemplated on buying a Roxy backpack, but I didn't like any of the designs. But since I already carried the bags through check in and immigration at Melbourne (I was sweating while the guard weighed my bag! buti nalang he said "That's fine" without checking the other one) and through transit transfer at Sydney (where I was stopped for a 'random check'), I'd manage to bring them as they were to Manila. Hahaha

I'm sure there were people looking at me thinking "Tsk! Tsk! Mga Pilipino talaga. Overweight palagi ang bagahe!" Pero deadma nalang.

I swear, next time I travel, I'm gonna buy a trolley or a backpack, and by all means I will try to stick to the weight limit.

My shoulder and back are still killing me!

Saturday, July 5, 2008

Last Post from Oz

My last days here in Australia have been spent eating and lazing around. So much for the weight I lost 2 weeks ago!

We went up to Miss Marples yesterday to stuff ourselves with yummy sticky toffee pudding. Mmmmmm.

Passed by a quaint tea shop afterwards. I ended up buying 2 bags of tea and 2 tea coasters. Hahaha Yes, they're little 'saucers' for tea bags. Silly silly silly. But they were just too cute to pass up.

Going home tomorrow. I hope my luggage won't be overweight! I will miss my crazy aunt and cousins here. And Theo Brama's Belgian Waffles, and Yoplait Vanilla Yoghurt, and Hokey Pokey ice cream, and the super efficient public transport system, and DFO, and the groceries packed with all sorts of goodies... But I am happy to be heading back to noisy, polluted, loved ones and friend-filled, (now I finally understand) 'shopping is cheap here!' Manila!